Day 1

Reading : Chapter 1 of "How to Win Friends & Influence People"

What is the goal of this chapter?

To get me to the place where I can maintain and develop personally beneficial relationships. How do I develop those relationships? The key may just be not always winning. People never think of themselves as in the wrong. You should scold someone for anything… if they don't think themselves as being wrong… then scolding doesn't produce positive results.

"Criticism is Futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person's pride, hurts his sense of importance and arouses resentment"

Skinner posited that if you reward people they will learn more quickly and retain what they learn more effectively.

People thrust for approval and dread condemnation.

berni just sat on my stomach… it always bothers me that berni comes over and "bother's" me when I'm doing something of importance to me… people always ask me to help them figure out computer things at work. But, I think I am looking at this all wrong… all of these, I think are examples of what Carnegie is getting at… I think that many of his examples are dated.. The foreman reminding his workers that the helmets were designed to keep them safe and suggested that they should be worn… doesn't really work in my eyes. because is sounds a little condescending to me… but how do you get people to do things for you. I say give of yourself.

For the longest time, I have seen people asking of me as a bad thing. But how many times have people gone out of their way to do nice things for me because I simply gave them something? Despite the fact that I haven't bought Dianne anything like other "older" agents do, I feel that we have a more special relationship because of it. She signs me in when I'm late, she let's me know things about the workings of the company that I wouldn't have gotten otherwise, she gives me a heads up on things and gives me the benefit of the doubt when I screw up because, why? I make time for her. I talk with her, I help her, I give to her. Maybe getting ahead and using the most effectively requires you to give of yourself. If someone feels like your friend is telling you something and not just someone who wants something from you… shouldn't you be more likely to do it?? and then maybe all the listening to other problems, and letting them bother you, and being there for them, that you thought was annoying.. becomes beneficial…. the answer then becomes not only figuring out how to "reward" each individual (what matters to them most) but also how to do this while letting it effect your productivity the least…



What's my goal after reading this book?

To answer that, I'll need to employ the three goals method I learned at that awful direct marketing job.

Today:
-I will learn from this book how to get the most out of my interpersonal relationships
This Week:
-Utilize these relationships to benefit me career wise
Long Term (slightly adjusted for my use):
-Action. Action produces results and results are the only way to get ahead. Getting ahead helps me achieve my dreams. Period

I feel as though I don't get the most out of my relationships. My daily life is a series of mostly unutilized opportunities. Duh… that's life. I will never be able to take advantage of all the opportunities available, there are just too many, but if I slowly work toward taking better advantage of more and more, I will get to my goal of being a person who gets things done and delivers results for myself, because when it is all done that is who I am beholden to. Not some job, not a boss, not even a client, but myself. I should probably use a better term than myself, because the "me" idea also includes melissa, and children or pets. From here on out… I will be beholden to the "Ciz", be it mar or morris.

With that said, because I am now beholden only to "Ciz", I owe no one else anything. Unfortunately, this chapter teaches that people don't work for you. They work for themselves. SO,… how do I get people to work for me, obviously by allowing them to work for themselves. relationships can't be beneficial only to one party. If you don't get something out of a relationship, you'll want to leave… why haven't I left T-Mobile yet? They don't have the best networks, they don't have the best phones, they are cheap, but not SOO much cheaper than any other company that I feel like I CAN'T afford to leave them. I feel like I am in control. I have realized recently that I am paying them more than I really ever would have thought I would want to pay for anything like this. T-mobile has gotten me to this point by allowing me the feeling of control. I'm happy paying the money for the service because, more than just needing a cell phone to live these days, I feel like the company listens to me. I call and someone's there. I can despite charges on my bill and I feel like I can get somewhere.

Let's compare this to a company like Bank of America, Who I feel have me over a barrel because of one decision I made in signing up for a credit card. I don't get resolution when I call… they just tell me there is nothing they can do. Even if they were to charge me double and then let me argue them down to the same amount I am paying now, I would feel better than how I do now about them. I am a person who has to feel like they've won, even if I haven't really. I have to feel like I've got the company right where I want them, even if the reverse is true.

But here is the problem… not everyone is like me. Some people don't complain once they're in, some people never sign up because they are motivated by other factors. And… furthermore, knowledge of how to set something like that up is expensive, and not everyone can or wants to think like that. So, do you set up a system that allows people to lower down in the ranks to, without much training, deal with people in a rigged game?

Stack the deck seems to be the only answer… People play the lottery, three card Monty, Gamble, Hell smoke… they make choices all the time that land them in unwinable situations and then run around trying to figure out how to make the best out of what they have and all the while the person who knows what they're doing knows that they've already won. It's brilliant… SO… is the answer of how to succeed in life to figure out how the rigged games work, not only so you can use them in the right situations, but also to know when you're in one?